My response to — is it possible to forgive a cheater?
Yes, I think you are worthy of forgiveness and this is coming from a guy that was cheated on for nearly three years and regrettably from someone that stepped out of bounds in my own previous marriage. But the thing is, you have to look deep down and learn what caused you to do that, and can you grow from it? If you cannot find the cause, you will continue to hurt yourself and others. And you have to work to break down that cause (it won’t happen overnight). Years ago I was able to decipher my reasoning for stepping out of bounds was because I wasn’t being my truest version of myself — a gay man.
On the other hand, though, it’s up to your girlfriend to decide if she can forgive and keep being with you or if it’s too much for her to bear to continue. She has to be allowed to grow from this experience and take that path that is most healthy for her growth.
In my recent situation — I forgave my person, yet he continued to deceive and hide. When he finally had a wake-up call was when I moved out while he was at work. He arrived at an empty home. After that, he wanted to work things out and we tried for months, including going to couples counseling, but I noticed that I was now becoming the toxic one because even though I had forgiven him, I was just too hurt, insecure, and in pain to see us the same as before and I was lashing out at him through my own bitterness and resentment. It was now mutually unhealthy. Plus I didn’t want to go from being a caring partner to being someone that is paranoid and monitoring someone all the time, questioning every move — which isn’t good for either party. So I ended the relationship and moved out permanently. I feel much better now although I still love him and miss him every day.
It’s up to her, and all you can do is learn from this, forgive yourself, and grow — if things end, be a better version of yourself to the next person in your life. We are all evolving and growing. None of us are perfect. Find the reason you did that (don’t blame the alcohol) and break it from existence to incorporate positive change in your life and love those around you. Again this can take time, and won’t happen overnight — work on yourself daily no matter how many months or years it takes. You deserve forgiveness and love.
Peace to you, hope things turn out well.
— Steven Lee
